It feels stupid to dwell on it amidst a pandemic, but I miss parties. I miss getting dressed up, making an entrance, dancing foolishly, all of it.
I sorely miss the euphoric highs of a good night out, but now I even miss the lows of an emotional night out. While it’s the simple truth that dancing the night away while depressed wasn’t always healthy or effective, now that I don’t have much of a choice in the matter, I find myself almost comforted by memories of nights spent filling my sadness with the company of friends collectively making questionable decisions.
True Blossom’s In Bliss is the ideal soundtrack for me to reminisce on those nights spent on the town, where my outfit was on point but my emotions weren’t so. Shiny saxes and synths charm me into dancing, but Sophie Cox’s lyrics are damning reminders of nights I spent dancing while feeling down.
The ephemerality of a good night out always sticks in the back of my mind, even while it’s happening. Like on the album’s first track, “Yours,” Cox starts off:
We could say good night
Or on “Stay (If U Want),” Cox sings defeatedly:
Stay if you want
It doesn’t matter to me /
Stay if you want
Her words remind me of hours I spent trying to look effortlessly un-lonely while acutely aware of my impending loneliness, that many of the “friends” I’d made at a given party were only friends in the moment. Both “Yours” and “Stay (If U Want)” have me craving late-night closure that I never knew how to find.
While uptempo tracks like “Serious Boys” and “In Bliss” make me want to dance the emotions away, slower tracks like “Ruiner, “Try to Say,” and “Kaiju” feel like the walk-home comedowns. I live alone, so I walk home alone, replaying every missed connection, awkward interaction, and general imperfection from the evening. What’s the use of trying to outrun the melancholy?
“I live alone, so I walk home alone, replaying every missed connection, awkward interaction, and general imperfection from the evening. What’s the use of trying to outrun the melancholy?”
In Bliss closes on a fast and vivacious note with “My Boy,” refusing to end on a low note. It’s so satisfying to hear Cox urge that we “leave all this shit behind” to get what’s needed as soon as possible. I’ve spent too many evenings passively waiting for something to happen instead of playing an active role. It’s the reminder I need that life doesn’t wait, and while everything is kind of on pause for now, I’ll still push myself to take a more active approach with the rest of my life.
Devon (he/him) is a Cleveland-based event organizer. He loves radical theory, loud guitars, and hash browns. He lives on Twitter.